Fancy Walls

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Street Art I love

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A few of my favourite bits of art from around East London

I actually have an art degree. And that realization surprises me constantly when I try to draw a picture of something and it looks like a toddler has spat up some crayons. Coincidently I also look like a toddler when I wear dungarees. Not hot like all those tumblr girls make out.

I love street art because I love anything that isn’t supposed to happen. Like when people say no to a proposal in front of a room full of people or dipping donuts in candyfloss. It’s graffiti and it’s not meant to be there, making a mark on a wall like it’s the artist’s signature. It makes it much better than something hanging on a wall of a museum who’s owned by a woman called Gertrude.

My favourites are when they are part of their surroundings. Like the maid lifting the wall above or the elephant we saw last week balancing bricks on its trunk. And because of my obsession with baby animals and my imagination that runs a bit riot after a few gins, I genuinely convinced myself that the flatmate and I could keep a baby elephant at ours as a pet. I’m still dreaming.

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Friday Night: The Start of the End

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Bank holiday is Latin for ‘Drink on 3 days instead of 2’

The first night of this liver diseased weekend was not surprisingly spent in Dalston Superstore with the return of Club Lesley. Which meant seeing loads of people I hadn’t seen in ages. So a lot of clumsy hugging and as many shots ordered as we could fit in the bar. And that is a very long bar. A lot of photos were taken as well. I find I am at my sexiest when I send a selfie and don’t crop out the berry cocktail dribbling down my chin.

Music wise it’s a good mix of 90’s classics and remixes of cool chart things. Particularly loved the Spice Girls and MIA clash. Downstairs was a bit more dancy. I didn’t spend much time down there because I often feel dance music is like listening to your heartbeat on the outside of your body mixed with a selection of symbols. A lot of my friends adored it though and didn’t move from their little spot all night.

Of course I have to point out some of the bad bits but it’s more to do with the bar. Service at the bottom bar was terrible. Seeing as it’s a girls night, the second a boy came to the bar, he got served instantly before any of the women waiting patiently. I tried to look like a boy but couldn’t quite manage to hide the cleavage or stop my high pitched demands of needing alcohol at that second. Sometimes I only have one drink and sometimes I wear dresses buttoned all the way up. I’m of course joking. Neither of those happen ever.

Because of the rareness of an all-girls weekend night in DSS, the night is completely rammed. It is a place to dance, definitely not a place to chat with your friends. But unless you get knocked down the stairs in the chaos of it all, it’s very difficult to have a bad time. It’s a glorious atmosphere, a big mix of epic tunes accept for one weird Lion King moment, and it’s one of the queer women’s nights not to miss. And after the shots that are likely to be consumed, the next day will be spent doing that really cool yoga position of crying into your pillow.

Things about it here

More reviews coming up from this weekend soon. Where did you lot go?

Feeling Bright

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Peacocks Dress
Oh my god that hat again seriously
Topshop Belt
Topshop socks they have bananas on the soles why
Kate Moss Lipstick

Tuesday Outfit.

 This dress was in the window of Peacocks when I was passing and without any fault of my own I was suddenly in the check out queue paying for it. It was only £12 and I never normally wear such bright things so thought I’d roll with the apparently cheery mood I was in. This changed drastically later on when I realized the boots I wanted to wear with it had a piece of chewing gum spread out on the heel. When I’ve got my marigolds on, slicing dried gum off my shoe with a potato peeler, I can’t imagine anyone not finding me sexy. 

The weather turned this weekend which I rather like as there was no chance of me getting sunburnt by the moon. Having wore bare legs for a long time now, it was quite a comfort getting the wooly socks out the drawer and sliding across my laminate flooring in them. I look forward to more of this as we approach Autumn. 

Fields, Mountains and Sheep.

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Oh look I went back home to Wales



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It’s not often I get to spend a bulk of my time back home in Wales. My job keeps me in London a lot of time because London actually had people and buildings in it whereas Wales has fields, mountains and sea. And sheep.

I spent a lot of time with my grandparents growing up and had my own room there. As you can see it’s pretty much all pink and I had posters up of Spice Girls and steps and I remember crying when they split up. My grandmother, who I call my Nain, still smells like my childhood.  Which is how all my older relatives smel. When did all the women over 76 get together and decide to wear the same perfume?

Makes a change to be home and eating well. Because normally my pasta meals taste like my budgeting skills are fucking terrible. She thinks I’m far too skinny and should eat around every 74 minutes. So it’s a good fricking job I live on a steep hill otherwise I wouldn’t fit in the train on the way home.

Went to the beach where someone was convinced they’d seen a shark. Not one to normally get sharks is North Wales. I heard they like places where people actually go in the sea, like Australia. Because over there is located half a mile from the surface of the sun, and over here, we have to put on three wetsuits and a fleece blanket just to dip our toe in.

It’s a very relaxing place and I don’t do anything when I’m there. Accept walk around talking to the pets like they’re my best friends and eating icecream. But that’s what you do on your holidays isn’t it?

 

Friday Night In?

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 Topshop Tshirt Dress
H&M Chain
Primark belt but do you really care about that
Sleek Blusher Pale Contour Palette

It’s a Blushing Red sort of Day

I know I haven’t posted all weekend. I’ve been crazy busy with work and writing stuff. I didn’t even go out on Friday night. You know what’s worse than a Friday night in working? Nothing. Nothing is worse. Of course then I had to go out on Saturday because staying in two weekend nights in a row is how middle age starts.

We ended up in our favourite late night gay bar The Joiners Arms and danced until our shoes broke while sipping on our gin and juice. Headed into Bethnal Green on Sunday and had a bit of a poke around the vintage stores, and choosing to buy a yellow dress which I’ll show you in the week. I think I might have still had a few points of alcohol in my system to come to that conclusion.

For me the weather this weekend was lovely. Dry in the day but not too sunny to burn my skin off and replace it with freckles. I picked this dress up in a sale last week and adore it as t doesn’t matter what underwear I wear underneath and that’s perfect for a lazy person like me. For work stuff I’ve been wearing a lot of white which means I have to dig through the knicker drawer and find a pair that won’t show how many donuts are hidden in the kitchen.

Favourites: FACACIA

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The Facacia range from QVC

Sometimes I think my spots come from my poor life decisions involving very strong shots. And other times I think it’s God punishing me for my decision to download music illegally or forgeting to pay the council tax.

I wanted a brand new product, as it seemed most of the thing I’ve been using recently have made me look like I have full  blown chicken pox. Not that I’m complaining, it got me out of work for three weeks. I feel like some of them are so full of chemicals that I’d fail a drug test instantly just through osmosis. And that’s not really my cup of pee.

The Facacia wash is enhanced with acacia and is an antibacterial cleanser and toner, and it foams up instantly. At first I didn’t like the smell but then after reading there was no fragrance added I didn’t mind. It might be one of the reasons my skin hates the stuff I’ve been using recently because it’s pumped full of stuff that makes it smell like grapefruit or dandelions or mint chocolate chip icecream. I think leaving it in its natural state is really working for me.

The serum is a thin cream that is making my skin soft and luxurious. Like the double quilted toilet roll you pay a fiver extra for in Asda. I’m adding the products to my list of favourites because they have lessened my spots, made my skin less red, and now I can actually walk past a mirror bare faced and not scream like a koala on heat.

The product range is all here so you little unicorns can find out more.

Five Minutes to go

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My go to look at the momento.

 

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New look jumpsuit
The hat I never put down it may be superglued to my head.
Necklaces – Primark & Topshop

This is a messy look that took me about five minutes to get together because I had a very lazy day Saturday day that was spent in bed watching Orange is the New Black. I was meant to only watch one I swear. And then two. And then we wanted to see more of Alex Vause so we watched until episode four. And then well, we continued. But seriously, I wish my nipples tasted of marzipan.

By the time I had pulled myself out of bed and had some food I barely had any time to get ready so pulled on this jumpsuit and a hat and shoved on some lipstick. It’s my go to thing when really, I should be pampering my skin, washing my hair, and putting on some sort of sequinned dress and possibly sprinkle rose petals on myself. I even wore flats to go out.

And body butter makes you instantly smell gorgeous and I don’t have to faff around squeezing the scent from the unicorn tail. And I always find that creams stick around longer than perfume. Might have to tell Britney to sort that out and that I need it to last a bit longer than a cocktail and a gangdam style dance.

Funday Sunday

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New Look Dungaree Dress
Topshop Crop Top
Primark Necklace

Sometimes Sundays are just a day to do a bit of day drinking. If you ever saw me race to the off license 5 minutes before it shuts, you’d hire me for the getaway driver job in a bank heist straight away.

After what was a glorious Saturday night at Holla the night before, Sunday was a little delicate. But also, if you just get redrunk, you don’t even notice. It was another hot day which meant going outside was not one of my favourite things. There are bugs out there. And humans that you have to talk to. The best thing about a bit of day drinking too is that you sleep off the incoming hangover and can still function like other people on a Monday. I mean I still attempt to stab anyone who comes near me, but that’s how you have to act on the first day of the week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fairly Hot Weekend

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Yes we went to LoveBox. I went outside and everything.

So we went here last weekend. And it was rather fabulous. I apologize for the shakyness of the videos. The camera was drunk again.

 

Fancy Hair Party

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The Blue Tit Salons

Before the weekend where I drank so much my liver swam away, I was invited to a nice little civilised party in Blue Tit Salon which let me check them out for the first time.

This combined my two favourite things; getting my hair done by other people, and drinking fruit cocktails that feel like they’re doing good to my body as well as making my brain laugh. The owners have three salons altogether and we were at the one in Clapton. With it’s cool rustic door mirrors and hairdressers that look like they should be on the catwalk for vogue.

I got to have my hair done and he styled it a little differently pushing most of the bulk of it back and letting the front bit curl naturally. It was beautiful and lasted at least seven minutes. When I go outside I have to put my hair up because the heat makes me angry. Not as angry as people who invite me to play candy crush saga though. Those people make me want to run them over with a tram.

They were doing a tent in the VIP section of Lovebox and did a few lovely styles that I kept seeing all around. It’s easy to see styles that are amazing when yours looks like it’s been raked and sluiced in jelly. I may have put a tad too much hairspray. Just like with alcohol and ice cream, I always read the recommended portion size on the box then multiply it by 18.

The salon is a glorious place to get your hair done as a treat. Check them out here.

Favourites: NV Colour

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The new bright and shiny range from NV Colour

Bright lip products are always a win for me. They match my face because not much clashes with whiter than white skin. The crayon is glorious and glides onto your lips like you’ve just kissed a pile of butter and is just as shiny. And once it’s on it sticks on too. You know this is important to me if you read the blog often as I kiss girls and I like it and I need the lip products to stay on my face.

The lipstick is a colour I normally wouldn’t pick up but when I wore it out with a blouse that a blind librarian would probably pick up, it really made the outfit a lot cooler. This does come off a lot easier than the crayon but after a week of using, it looks like I haven’t used it at all. So of course I plan to wear it forever until I’m a granny still wearing said blouse and possibly working or trashing said library.

For me, blusher does not stay on my skin. So a cheek stick did not look promising. The equivalent of boys putting a sticker of a racing stripe on their Citroen; that shit accessory is not going to solve your problems. But this is a glorious product. It glides on perfectly and keeps your cheeks looking healthy, blushed to perfection and gives the illusion that you actually go outside. My new favourite product for a while I think.

Now of course I have these products I want to try out all the rest. It’s like this every time I go into a makeup store with a line of cosmetics that I really love. Like step aside basket, this is a job for trolley. This also applies to shoe floors and off licenses.

Check the whole range here 

Figure Out

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How to pack for a Festival

If you frequently visit London Festivals then you only have to bring yourself and some sun cream and you’ll pretty much be hunky dory before you make your merry way home on the tube to a lovingly comforting mattress. If however, you’re going to somewhere for the whole weekend, you’re going to need to pack right or you’ll be that drunk mess asking your neighbour for toilet roll and a penguin blanket.

Obviously you need your ticket.

Forgetting this is not wise unless you plan to jump the fence. And I wouldn’t. I heard the guards of these places have special Taser guns that immediately makes you like Justin Bieber songs.

Tent.

Unless you plan to keep someone else company for the entire time. It seems a good idea until you both haven’t showered and one or both of your vaginas/penises smells like pond water.

Sleeping bag.

Or some sort of delightful cover for the night time. And don’t forget your teddy. I always have mine.

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Roll mat.

If you think the grass looks like a luxurious mattress for your weary bones, think again. It’s like chilling for eight hours on a kitchen counter.

Wellies.

These are now an ultimate fashion accessory and they don’t have to be boring. Get them in all sorts of colours or patterns or buy a vajazzle kit and go to town.

Hat.

Your hair will become disgusting and look like it’s been deep fried. Cover it up.

2 or three simple outfits.

Now is not the time for stilletos/white bottoms/expensive wear. And it’s your call on the jumpsuit plan, I just do not like to be the one stripping down in a portaloo. That’s how you get pregnant.

Toilet roll.

As much as you can carry in your bag/pockets/socks/bra/mouth.

Sun cream.

Especially if you have pale skin. You think you’re going to enjoy jumping up and down to Katy B as much if there’s rolls of skin peeling off you.

Waterproof things.

We live in Britain. There’s around a 134% chance it’s already raining.

Wipes.

You’ll have one shower and suddenly you’d rather be chased through a dark woods by a clown then go again. And you will immediately switch to wiping yourself. See toilet roll description for quantity.

Makeup.

Because we all still want to look pretty. And if I don’t wear makeup I look similar to a zombie who scares children for fun and takes their dairylea triangles. Don’t bring glass bottles as they will be taken off you so leave your Hannah Montana perfume at home.

A thousand bobbles and two thousand hair pins. About.

Toiletries like toothbrush, aftersun, moisturizer etc.

Try and get bottles that are all quite different. When you’re off your tits in a dark tent do you really think you’ll notice yourself putting Vagisal on your toothbrush?

Torch.

To see.

Money.

Enough for a tequila or eighty seven. Not enough that if you lose it you’ll have to sell your gold blue peter badge in order to carry on living.

ID.

Especially if you look about eight and you want to get served. Alternatively take the bag ut of a box of wine, chuck it under your top and coo past the security of how many days you have left before you’re due.

Frilly Collar

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Topshop spotty dress
H&M tshirt
New Look Necklace

I play with my hair all the time. It’s something I do when I’m feeling really awkward. And in front of a camera, I feel like an awkward signet trying to fit in with all the cool ducks who wear pink on Wednesdays.

Went out for a meal last night with a few of the people I’m starting a very cool new project with over the next few weeks. And it was actually hot in London. So this was the thinnest material I could find, but as you all know if you read my blog daily, my breasts have taken on the hobby of growing, and so all the buttons of my tops and dresses keep popping off and landing in inappropriate places. So since I was going out with people I had never met, I thought putting a Tshirt on over it would save people’s eyes being taken out.

Also I forget in the summer months that there are lots more bugs around. I got a fly stuck in my mouth. And incase you’re wondering if there’s any classy and sexy way to get a fly out of your mouth in public, there isn’t. You look like a dying hamster.

 

Frolics on a Saturday Night

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White Topshop Dress
Mans shirt from Gap

Club DEBBIE

I was meant to put up a Unicorn Disco review but the photos came out really bad. And by that, I mean I look like a bellend of epic drunk proportions. So on Saturday night, we headed to DEBBIE in Bethnal Green which has music that generally suits my purpose in life. It’s all Female fronted pop with some indie and disco thrown in for a good shaken up smoothie of songs. There’s only so many places you can twirl to Taylor Swift before doing a gentle swag to Missy Elliot.

The bar is cheap and it’s worth the queues because you get a lot of drink for what you ask for and you also get a chip to get a free one on your next round. So later on instead of scratching around at the bottom of your purse for pound coins, ten pences, skittles, or anything else that you can trade for alcohol, you smoothly hand them a chip like you’re in a casino. It’s the only time I will ever hold a casino chip, I have the luck of someone who just broke a mirror throwing it at a black cat who had crossed my path. Under a ladder. With spilt salt surrounding me.

As a ginger though, it was very hot. You couldn’t move in there for the heat. Hence why I have taken the pictures at home and not at the venue where I looked like I’d been deep fat fried. There also wasn’t as many girls there as I’d expected. But that’s where I think the heat came from; all the beards. And it just made me jealous. Because it’s going to take me a long time to catch up with them. So far I have two hairs on my chin. Luke and Leia.

We had a trashy fun drunken night and I would recommend this to anyone who wants to dance away the night. And it’s really nice to know everyone song and not have to stand in the corner humming and nodding your head like an awkward avocado.

Next DEBBIE night is a Kate Bush Special

 

Fitting in with the Cool Kids

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A night at Totem Bass

So this is one of those cool nights that cool people go to. So walking into this room was like joining a load of sunglasses emoji’s chilling to ‘sick beats’ while sipping on drinks so strong they could barely lift them.

One of our DJs from Missfit D’affro was part of putting this altogether alongside Noa Logan, IJ Sookie and Ola Omiye. With music like MIA, Major Lazor, The Party Squad DJ Sliiink, Dismantle, and DJ Chuckie it is not the usual Justin Tiberlake music I’m used to. But I enjoyed the music a lot ad twirled around in what I hope was a very cool manner. And I would have brought sexy back if I could have found the receipt.

It was a mixed night which we don’t often attend because there’s always that one guy who asks if he can partake in your sexual endeavours. The whole night was really chilled. Only one slightly off his man tits guy came up to us towards the end the night and forgot what the term lesbian meant so we Taylor Swiftly made our way home. Made me realize why I like being a girl. Girls can think about sex without their genitals making a guest appearance.

The new plan is to go to more cool nights like this one and less doing the tragedy moves in G.A.Y. And in this club there was lot of people in jumpsuits and I didn’t once get asked why I was wearing a onesie outside, so that pretty much counts for everything. And I managed to pull the whole “cool and I belong here” thing off too, until I fell down in the street.  I’ve never been that great with maths but I can tell you that a 23 year old running at 6 mph with 2 litres of tequila in her system flies 8.9 feet when she trips over her own heels.

Find out more about the night here

Favourites: Lipstick

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Kate Moss Lipstick Shade 1

When you’re in a club, and when there’s tequila involved lipstick doesn’t really stay on your lips. It likes to smudge onto your teeth, cheeks and other people’s collars. But this one clings on like a bitter ex stalking your social life. And I love it.

This lipstick has held the bright red durable crown for a lot time. I keep trying other ones but then I find this at the bottom of my handbag rolling around with my gum and parking tickets. The range by Kate Moss has a huge range going right up to purple. I like number one as it seems to match my pale skin, it’s bright and preppy and and doesn’t make me look like a clown having a ‘moment.’

I can’t be reapplying lipstick all night when I’m working so this is a majestic range. And if you want to be kissing someone all night, this is the lipstick for you. I had to put some on today because I was wearing a white lace dress and white shoes and with my casper skin, it was all a bit too much white and I looked like I was off to play the tennis. Another game I don’t really understand; it’s like they’re not even trying to hit each other.